Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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