is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my sisters under your porch take her home
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
