i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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