Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
