So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
