i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
