1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
