the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
