if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
