Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
