9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
