I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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