Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
