my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
