Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
