She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
