had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
