wake up i wanna do it froggy style
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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