is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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