Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
