You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
