dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
