Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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