when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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