Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
