I can't watch pbs sober anymore
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
