walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize