Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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