his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
