Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
