I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
