Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
