all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
