i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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