THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
