If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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