Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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