So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
