The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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