Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
