On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
