dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
