i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
