Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
