Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
