... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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