If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
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I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
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I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
MIDGETS
????
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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