I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
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It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
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Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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