Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
