It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
