we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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