Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
