I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
