I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
