nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize