Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
