I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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