i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize