why didn't you poke me back
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
