It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
