he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
