i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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