dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
