Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
