There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
