After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
