i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
