i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
