Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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