i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
