This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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