Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
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I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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