His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
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She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
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I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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