tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
