didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
