I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
