he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
