Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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