Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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