What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
