He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
