____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
