he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
