I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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