maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I puked a lego.
You can't special order awesome
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
