DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
